May | 2013 | BLOG

Everyone knows my parents. Everyone knows Carole and Larry Terherst.

Everyone.

My folks have done a tremendous job of living an honorable life. They have both been in the ministry in some capacity for as long as I can remember. They love God more than anything and they love each other. They pastored Mountain Life Church in McCall, Idaho for a dozen years or so before relocating north to be near their grandkids. While in their 40’s, mom supported dad while he went back to school for 2 Master’s degrees: Theology and Counseling. Dad is a Licensed Personal Counselor (LPC).

All my life, people have ranted and raved about how much they love my parents. Everywhere I go, someone, somewhere will say, “Carole and Larry? Oh man, I love those two. I always feel so good when I leave their house…” and it goes on and on. Why do people love my parents so much? Why are people so drawn to them? Why do people feel refreshed, rejuvenated and renewed after spending time with my folks? I wanted to know the answer. More importantly, I wanted to be that kind of person who influences people the way they do.

So a few years ago I began watching my parents very closely—mostly my dad because of his formal education, training and line of work. I began to study his body language, his facial expressions, his words. I watched him speak to people, noted his tone of voice, and reactions. I watched him laugh, cry, get frustrated and smile. The way he folds his hands, crosses his legs and tilts his head I made a mental note of. Finally it hit me: my dad is an exceptional listener.

Being a good listener is not just about nodding your head or saying “uh-huh” at the appropriate moment. It’s about connecting with the person. For those few minutes while they are talking, a good listener will engage fully in that moment and put themselves in that story. A good listener will keep steady eye contact and not get distracted during the conversations. They will not interrupt! A good listener will make sure the other person is finished with their thought before speaking.

There are many reasons people are drawn to my parents but one of the biggest reasons is my folks are great listeners! When people are able to pour their heart out to you, that is a relief for them. People feel comfortable talking to my folks knowing what they say is kept in confidence. My parents offer sound advice at the right moment and no judgment.

Every day I strive to be a good listener. My tendencies to jump in and finish sentences, interrupt or look at my phone are all bad habits I aim to break. But while I visit with someone and listen quietly, I often wonder if I look like my dad with his gentle smile, hands folded and subtle nod?

Being a good listener is truly an art. I believe my parents have it down pretty well. And I could only hope to someday be a fraction of what they are.